A
Perfect 30
Poetry
by
David Donald Schein II
figmentofimagination Productions
Forward
Well, I guess there should be some explanation as to what the hell is going on here. What you see before you is a scattered collection of poems that continues the story of Otis and his more recent adventures. All of the enclosed poems have been written since my introduction into the wonderful world of Slam poetry. Slam is competitive performance-poetry. The competitors are given three minutes (plus a ten-second “Grace Period”) in which to perform a piece of original work that can include no props, costumes, or animals. The performance is judged by five volunteers from the audience with a range of 0.0 to 10.0 per judge. The highest and lowest scores are thrown out, leaving the highest possible score at 30. There is no lower threshold, though, because there is a one-half-point “Time Penalty” for every 10-seconds the competitor exceeds the grace period. If you would like more information on Slam poetry, please visit www.poetryslam.com .
On that note, I would like to begin thanking people. “Thank you” to Linda and Michelle for taking me to my first Slam and supporting me every instant thereafter; Delrica, just for being you; Scott, Denise, Tonya, Twain, and David (the 2000 DC National Slam Team) for giving me a reason to be in Providence, and for being mentors and comrades; EVERYONE in Providence for the 2000 National Poetry Slam; Gail, for the wonderful talks we’ve had, and for the support you have given me; Wussyboy Big Poppa E; all of the regulars and ‘Virgins’ at the “DC MYTH” poetry slam; all of the regulars and ‘virgins’ at “MOBTOWN SLAMICIDE” poetry slam; Mark Spurrier; My sister, Anna; Jay at “ARTOMATIC” for fulfilling one of my dreams, even if you did bullshit and say you read my last book; last- but most certainly not least- Stazja, for being simply a wonderful poet and a wonderful friend.
I need to send a very special “thank-you” to Denise Johnson, Twain Dooley, and Nicki Miller for refusing to allow me to sleep in my car at Providence, and for putting up with my shenanigans with “Reilly”. Thank you for understanding, and for being so supportive.
I can never stop thanking people. Basically I need to thank everyone who has heard me read, and has chosen not to throw objects at me. Thank you to every one who loves poetry. Thank you to everyone who has supported fP and put up with my horrific ranting at the Stimson Dining Hall, and elsewhere. Thank you to Goucher College for the use of their Thormann International Center. Thank you to Printergy for the equipment to place these words on paper. Thank you Mom, Ken, and Dad for not attempting to stop my search for happiness in the written and spoken word.
Thank you to all of the Lovers.
Thank you to all of the Dreamers.
Thank you to all of the Poets.
Let not the blood of our pens fall upon deaf ears.
-David Donald Schein II
7:00 am, 18 October, 2000
Baltimore, Maryland, USA
This book is dedicated to Nicki Miller for her endless love and support.
Nicki, you have shown nothing but support ever since I walked into Julio’s that first time. You showed me how to walk into a room and be respected for my art. You have been a mentor, a mother, a sister, and a brother for me in everything from demanding that I room with you at Providence to teaching me how to run a Slam. And, yes, I am still working on that last one. You have helped me come so far, and I have no idea how to thank you.
I love you.
Otis and Reilly, pt. 14.............................................................................................................. 5
Also, Poem Road Song 5
Otis and Reilly, pt. 15.............................................................................................................. 9
Also, Words on Fire 9
Otis and Reilly, pt. 16............................................................................................................. 10
Also, Battle Scars 10
Otis and Reilly, pt. 17.............................................................................................................. 11
Also, Enjoy the Silence 11
Otis and Reilly, pt. 18.............................................................................................................. 11
Also, Settle Down 11
Otis and Reilly, pt.
19a........................................................................................................... 12
Also, Why? 12
Otis and Reilly, pt.
19b............................................................................................................ 13
Also, Stocking Up 13
Otis and Reilly, pt. 20............................................................................................................ 15
Also, Coffee in Boston 15
Exodus................................................................................................................................... 19
Quann................................................................................................................................ 21
For Erin 21
I am not Afraid.................................................................................................................... 23
For K 23
Otis and Elise, pt. 1a.............................................................................................................. 25
Also, Tonight, I am
Listening to the Cure 25
Otis and Elise, pt. 1b.............................................................................................................. 26
Also, Tonight I am
Listening to the Cure – Alternate Ending 26
Ode to the Dance Floor........................................................................................................... 27
Also, "Fuck
'hoochie ass-grind, top-40-bullshit that sells dancing as public fornication to
ugly music and pretty boys and singers that can't legally appear in a
porno-mag' Clubs" 27
One Phone Call.................................................................................................................... 28
For B. 28
Woman at the Club.............................................................................................................. 30
Otis and Elise, pt. 2................................................................................................................ 31
Also, Walk Away 31
Otis and Katherine............................................................................................................... 32
Summer of Sam.................................................................................................................... 33
Upon Seeing the Movie 33
Otis and Cassidy, pt.
1a.......................................................................................................... 34
Also, My Deep Breath 34
Otis and Cassidy, pt.
1b........................................................................................................... 34
Also, Goodnight, not
Goodbye 34
Otis and Cassidy, pt. 2............................................................................................................ 35
Also, The Answer to
Question Number One 35
Otis and Himself, pt. 2........................................................................................................... 36
Otis and Cassidy, pt. 3............................................................................................................ 37
Otis and Cassidy, pt.
4a.......................................................................................................... 37
Also, Happy Birthday,
Cass 37
Otis and Cassidy, pt.
4b.......................................................................................................... 37
Also, Otis and Antonio,
pt. 1 37
Also, 42 37
One True Thing..................................................................................................................... 38
Portrait of a
Coffee/Bar........................................................................................................ 40
Hell-Yeah........................................................................................................................... 40
Otis and Cassidy, pt. 5............................................................................................................ 41
Also, Lullaby 41
Otis and Cassidy, pt. 6........................................................................................................... 42
Also, Screaming in my
Sleep 42
Otis and Cassidy, pt. 7............................................................................................................ 43
Otis and Cassidy, Pt. 8........................................................................................................... 43
Also, Insomniac’s
Dreams 43
Otis and Cassidy, Pt. 9........................................................................................................... 44
Also, Goodnight and
Goodbye 44
Otis and Natalie, Pt. 1........................................................................................................... 45
Also, Atlas, At Last 45
Otis and Himself, Pt. 3........................................................................................................... 47
Also, These Hands 47
Otis and Reilly, Pt. 21........................................................................................................... 49
Otis and Reilly, Pt. 22.......................................................................................................... 49
Otis and Antonio, Pt. 2.......................................................................................................... 51
Also, The Kid Dancing
at Midnight 51
Otis and Natalie, Pt. 2......................................................................................................... 52
Otis and Cassidy, Pt.
10.......................................................................................................... 52
Also, Present Memories
of Past Events 52
Otis and Reilly, Pt. 23........................................................................................................... 54
Otis and Reilly, Pt. 24.......................................................................................................... 54
Otis and Reilly, Pt. 25........................................................................................................... 55
The Fine Print...................................................................................................................... 57
I have the money
I am on my way
to you
for you
for me
for
us
My pain and longing
are the black marks
I will leave behind
on the pavement
as I speed from the harbour
and away from their
bloody carcasses on the ground
They are forgotten
in the rearview
lost behind me
as I run to you
Enduring time
and distance
though our hearts are inseparable
-----
As my speed
matches the
number of the interstate
I drive faster than the darkness
though dusk has already made her entrance
Again, Apollo has left me
on the doorstep
of a random rowhouse
I saw him today
for the first time
in what seems like years
I looked into my father's eyes
as his bastard son
and said I to him,
"Father, MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
Decide whether to shower me
rays of love
or to walk away from me
as you do far too often"
But tonight, I woke
after he had slammed the door
seeing that he was gone,
I smiled at my mother's
pale gaze
and packed my essentials
I mounted my chariot and screamed battle-cries
against the beasts of
traffic and red lights
and speed traps
"Is there a reason you were going so fast?"
"Love, Sir. I run from you
in search of Her."
"Carry on."
In my mind
in my self-created
universe,
That is the script
-----
Rodents that watch from the
woods lining the highway
fear for their lives
as I streak by,
passing Kirk and crew,
making Dale Ernhardt appear as if he
drove a go-kart,
sending jocks in muscle cars
straight to hell
with my
exhaust fumes,
giving the finger to the cops
because
I WON'T BACK DOWN
-----
I have the money
I have my car
I have my desire
and
I have called out of work.
I am on my way
-----
Kerouak hated the road,
but not me.
I, too, am a
"Dharma Bum"
I know that you
can never
fall off of a mountain
I have slipped
and tripped
been scraped
and bumped
by my travels
Some with you
some in fear of you
some resenting you
all adoring you
but I have not fallen
-----
I am here
I am yours
I am the shining-armour
Laurence Olivier
Louis L'Amour
that you rebelled against
on so many nights
in that
rich suburb
of a megalopolis
But, always,
you would
kiss me
Always, you would show me
your eyelids
Always, you would hold me close
and say,
"You know I love you."
..."Don't you?"
-----
Though he would hurt you
pull you from me to
go comfort and calm him
down from his
hair-trigger, roof-ledge
temper-tantrum-
I awoke to your body
against mine
against the dawn
against my insecurities of the night before
-----
You introduced pleasures
of the mind, body, heart, soul
that were all encompassing
enrapturing
enveloping
-----
I ate a strawberry tonight
for you
for your memory
for your future
-----
And now I sit
thinking of
fountains
and that dress that
clung to your skin
the way
peanut butter clings
to the roof of my mouth
the way your face clings
to the inside of my eyelids
-----
I pass another truck stop
I pass another visitor center
I pass another
hazards-on
jack-out
tire-flat
man-confused
I stop
and rewind
I change a tire for a tired companion
We share the road for a few miles
until his headlights fade
into the rest of the wooded
scenery
with the rest of the ashes
I have
left
behind
I pass another sleeping trucker
I pass another off-ramp
I pass another gas station
I stop
and rewind
Refill coffee mug
and gas tank
Because I CAN-
-I have the money.
I am on my way
To you
through them
through these winding
trail ways
through construction
and roadblocks
and warnings
and self-deprecation
and sleep-deprivation
My excitement keeps me awake
-----
You are
Aphrodite.
You are Venus
stepping from the painting
into my arms
Let me be your renaissance man
Let me paint,
your body as the canvas
Let me put your beauty
into inadequate words
Let me serenade you
Then fall into your arms
into our love
For
I have the money,
and
I am on my way.
- - - - - - - - -
Heroin.
Vicadin.
Novocaine.
Love.
-Wussyboy, Big Poppa E - www.wussyboy.org
-----
And for the moment, I could feel again
I let tears of sadness fall like soldiers in a war
I let tears of anger fall like murdered doves
I let tears of joy fall like beads at Mardi Gras
to their words
on fire
And I went to sleep
huddled in silence
wondering where this emptiness
that now haunts my bed
came from
Could one night
back in your arms
have caused
this rift?
Could
one night
with you
followed by
one night
without you
lead to this apathy
for everything else?
Now I sit in this smoke-filled bar
and can barely utter a sound
feeling nothing but
the humid heat
of a room filled with bodies
like jelly-beans in a jar
How I wish I could cry for their pain
How I wish I could laugh for their joy
How I wish...
How I wish I could hold your
soft body
in my arms and
slumber with you,
knowing I am
safe in your grip
How I wish I could feel something
as strong now
as what I feel with you
-----
So scarred am I by
the past year without you
that now
with you
I still keep my emotions deep
That is not to say that
my scars are all because of you
but simply that they
occurred
without you near to
hear my cries
and lick my wounds
but you see the scars:
fingernails across my back
from nights spent not thinking about you
glass shards in the
souls of my feet
from the crushed crystal dreams in my mind
long white lines across my chest
where the daggers of
lust and betrayal
etched runes into my heart;
ancient symbols for
pain and terror
Teeth-marks paint battle-scenes
on my posterior
while at the same time
my anterior seems to
shrink just that much,
giving flesh to the
scabs that take
so much more
than can be seen.
----
why do you
sit now
freezing the sweat
of my brow
with the
coldness
of silence?
I only came
Speaking what I feel
-----
And you think I settled for you?
think back...
you and I talked while I was still with her
you and I made a PLAN while I still had her
you and I made a plan that
you would come to me
I would go to work
I would clean my locker
and after that
day of independence
I would leave
with you
you and I made that plan
while I still had her
before the red-light
of the district with her;
before the fear of
hope of
dreams fulfilled
all too soon;
you and I made a plan.
where was I
Settling
for you?
she fulfilled wants and needs in me that I had then
she fulfilled a physical desire for gratification
she put it out
and I put it in
she fulfilled an emotional desire to have someone
to fall asleep with other than my dogs
She fulfilled a social desire for someone fun with whom to spend time
She fulfilled a mental desire for stimulation of
grey matters
not just
pink matters
she fulfilled a spiritual desire for someone with whom to burn
cigarettes, incense, and gasoline
discussing theology
leaving Corpus Christi for the clouds of Olympus
she did that
because you weren't here to do that for me.
where was I settling for you?
I was settling for her.
-----
I told you I loved you
you asked me why
I said
"I don't know."
It's not something I can explain, it's
simply
something I feel
simply something I know
I squeeze your hand
three times
the way my mother used to squeeze my hand
three times
I would squeeze her hand
four times
in response
I squeeze your hand
three times
you do nothing
I don't know if you
know
what I mean
when I do that
I said that I loved you
you asked me why
and I said
"I don't know"
because I don't know
I don't know why
I Love You
I know that I Love You
-----
You said that this encounter was perfect
that everything clicked
the way the clicking of a vinyl record
makes the music just that much more beautiful
the way the clicking of a key in the lock
lets you know
that your loved one is home
I squeeze your hand
three times
I look at you
and you smile
turn your head...
I squeeze your hand
three times
I hold you
just that much closer
I look at you
just that much more focused
and you smile and look away
I squeeze your hand
three times
I tell you that
the reason I hold you
that much closer
Is because it has been so long since I have held you
I look at you
that much longer
because it has been so long since I have seen you
I listen to you
that much more attentively
because it has been so long since I have heard your voice directly from your lips
I kiss you
that much stronger
because it has been so long since I have felt that silk against my skin
I inhale you
That much deeper
because it has been so long since I have had that perfume in my nostrils
'nostrils'...
such an unromantic word
but then again,
so is 'nose',
but who knows
when we will next be with each other?
and...
I Know that I Love You
I tell you
I love you
and you ask me why
I say
I don't know
but I do know
that I love you.
And maybe I am holding you that much tighter
maybe I am kissing you that much longer
that much stronger
smelling you that much more
maybe I am doing all of those things because it
has been so long since I have
been able to do them
or
maybe it is because I am "stocking up"
I tell you I love you
you ask me why
and I tell you I don't know
and simply squeeze your hand
three times
-----
how I long for
coffee in Boston
again
I long for coffee in Boston again
and I cry for
coffee in Boston again
my seatbelt holds me
because you can't
and I pull it tighter
imagining that it is
your arms
around my waist
how I long for coffee in Boston again
where I can say that
I love you
and you can ask
why
and I can say
I don't know
how I long for a cappuccino and lemon ice
or mocha frigiutto with raspberry ice-
and it was black raspberry
the way the sky is black now
how I long to be in your arms
off this road
so that I won't have to worry about a
fucking tollbooth
so that I won't have to pay the price
so that I won't have to keep stopping
And I say "thank you"
and they take my money-
money you spared me by paying for the
coffee in Boston
money you spared me by chipping in for gas
money that I borrowed
so that I could see you
even if only for these few days
those few brief hours with you
in your arms
and the chance
to have coffee in Boston
and I looked around, but couldn't find Neponset Circle
but dammit, jack was right
god-dammit, Jack, she is my Carol.
and how I long for
coffee in Boston again
now I drive fast
seeing if I can run away from the sadness
seeing if I can maybe leave it behind
but somehow it seems that I am simply running farther into its grip
as I press down on the pedal
the sadness presses down on my heart
and my eyes hurt so badly because I am forcing them to stay open
so that I can follow this yellow line to my left
speckled lines to my right
as I pass this
broken line of cars
in my wake
and I am barely awake
but I don't want to be awake
because in my dreams
i am still with you
i can still hold you
i never have to leave you
i never have to walk away from you
i never have to drive away
i never left you
in my dreams
i never dropped you off at that airport
i never visited you at that airport
because I was with you on that plane
in my dreams
i never got lost on my way to Gardner
because I was already with you
in my dreams
he is inconsequential
he doesn't hurt you
and in my dreams
you don't have to give yourself up
to that
you don't have to volunteer
to keep yourself from being victimized
and in my dreams
so many of these scars are not here
because they were never laid
my body was bare
and these claw-marks on my back
are not those of these raptors
daemons, these daemonic nightmares
instead
in my dreams
these scratches on my back are
from your fingernails
on nights of passion
and love
and though you don't call it
"making love"
and maybe I shouldn't either
it sure wasn't just "sex"
and I never fucked you
and you never fucked me.
So I don't know what it would be called
and "intercourse" is too sterile a word
but it is love
and I grip the wheel three times because I cannot hold your hand right now
because you are so far away
and I know that
insomnia will wrack me tonight
because there is no way
that I can fall asleep with these tears
spewing forth from my eyes
like the words of the poets
like the words of the prophets
and
like the blood of the martyrs
who died for love
and how I long for
coffee in Boston
again
how I long for walking up that street
and saying "hey, let's go swimming in that lake I saw on Rt. 2"
and so we walked back to the car
but we never made it to that lake
because we sat in that car
and I looked into your eyes
and I looked into your heart
and you looked beyond my facade
and you looked into my soul
and our souls became one
and our hearts became one
and the heartbeats became one
and the heartbeats became faster
and faster
as rapture
enveloped us
enwrapped us
and I held you
and I kissed you
three times
because I could not speak
and how I long for
coffee in Boston
again
how I wish I didn't have to cry
missing you
I wish that instead of crying because of driving away from you
I wish I was crying out of joy from driving to you
I shed tears on that high-way
because I was so happy that I could see you again
coffee will never be the same
every cappuccino will remind me of words with an Italian man
while my bladder screamed
and my heart screamed
and my soul screamed
and I wish I could sing now
but my voice is too tired
my tear ducts are too tired
and my eyes hurt from forcing them open
and my stomach hurts from these wracking sobs
and my back hurts from sitting in this car for so long
and how I wish it didn't have to be this way
how I wish I could sit down with you to
coffee in Boston
again
and how I wish I could pronounce that word
I blow through miles like cigarettes
and cigarettes like whispers
I know that I could stop crying
if I could only hear your voice whisper
"I love you"
again
and I don't know why I love you
so instead I simply squeeze your hand
three times
I simply grip the wheel
three times
as I sit here on this
perverted stretch of land
longing for
coffee in Boston
again
-----
This is my Exodus
this is my flight from the dark city
from the lighted streets
from the clouded skies
from the raindrops
from the oil slicks on the streets of Manhattan
This is my escape from
poetry; from
good; from
love
This is my driving force
the motorcycle enters
the tunnel and screams its own
Gettysburg Address
The cabs outnumber the pedestrians
the cabs outnumber the residents
in this colorful city
in this dark city
clouded by night and judgement
and I have no idea what I am doing here
I was driving home
I was driving past
I was returning,
driving away from her
driving away from fear
driving towards work tomorrow night
driving towards my home
driving towards a
driving force
I spew from this tunnel
like ink from my pen
like sweat from my pores-
lack of air conditioning makes me burn in my seat
I have no idea what I am doing in this city
I have no idea what I am doing on this road,
Heading down this tattooed piece of black-top
speckled with ants
with leaves of paper
upon my back
Headed towards that mother
headed towards the queen
my own queen I have left behind
my driving force
she whom I see when I close my eyes
who I strive for
who I long for
who I hold dear
who I hold true
my muse
my inspiration
my beautiful dreams at night
she is behind me
I left her at the Yankee shop
while she held on to my candle and my heart
And I still don't know what I am doing here
I was driving home and I saw that I still had time
to experience the love of a pen
the love of a word
and so I took a slight detour
through Manhattan
and I have only been to the
Statue of Liberty
once; and I did not go there tonight
I have only been to that statue once
because once
I believed in that
Once I believed in that
As I get my ticket
heading on to this turnpike
going straight forward
I see a sticker that says
"No Fur"
My engine roars in response
I like mink.
And I think again
about why it is that I have never returned to that copper woman
standing on the sea
getting her feet wet
but keeping her ankles dry
Still the hem of her dress is uncut
still she is the model of the puritan society
of which our country is based
because if she were a true “Woman of Liberty”
if she were a true symbol for what this country supposedly stands for
what our forefathers
what THEIR forefathers
Jefferson, Roosevelt, Washington, Lincoln
what their four fathers
allegedly had in mind
If those plans were true,
they would not laugh at me when I walk down the street
they would not call me "Freak" because I walk by without anything separating my two legs
they would not batter a woman because she decided to get a job today
they would not laugh and mock and beat the lesbians and the gays and the transgendered and the transsexual who transcend the barriers of conformity
those who transcend the evil looks they receive and when mocked simply fire back with "I love you"
and yet are mocked again
and those of us who do not have the courage to stand up with a raised fist
sit down with a pen drawn
like the swords of the conquistadors
and whom do we conquer?
who do we come to lay the flag down for?
because we do not even have command of our own hearts
let not the blood of our pens
fall upon deaf ears
-----
I HATE YOU
I screamed at you
as we stood in the cross street
of our lives
my eyes like
water fountains of youth
your eyes
peered
pondered
questioned
I hate you because I love you
and you are leaving me
When I was intoxicated with lust
you carried me up the stairs
when I was so confused
you made things clear
You were my Baloo
When I was King Louie
You were my Bill the Kat
When I was Opus
I hate you because even when I was ashamed
to be with you shocked
by what you had done afraid
of things you had said apologizing
secretly for you
Even then
in those moments where I was so
mortified
I could have been
buried
I was still proud to call you my brother
Not my brother by blood
my brother by choice
when we met
you were a
strange stranger
later I found the key
to your secret garden
and entered with
magic passwords
and metaphors
through many
smoke-filled
chrome-lined
nights in diners and bars
with hearts and microphones
split wide open,
our buddy relationship
blossomed over
coffee and cigarettes
war-stories and tall-tales
water-sports and blood baths